Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
