I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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