Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
