the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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