well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
