Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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