I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
