And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The air was thick with penises
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
