can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i out mim tonsoeep
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
