I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
