I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
