A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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