By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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