Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
