I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
