you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
