i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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