hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
