apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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