you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
