he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
