dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
