The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
