Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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