Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
