just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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