You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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