You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
