I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
