lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i think i just lost a toe
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
