I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
