I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
