It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
