I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
