I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
