this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
