Im at strip club and am horny
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize