I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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