She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
