you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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