Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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