I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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