So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
