So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
