Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
