hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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