Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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