Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
one might say we're banned from that church
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
