If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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