You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
