after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He passed out mid-signature
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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