I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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