the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
