He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
