If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
