listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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