You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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