Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
