you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
