I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize