it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This house was built for laser tag.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize