i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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