Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
