Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
