don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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