man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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