Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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